Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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