Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
