whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
there is glitter all over my balls
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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