it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize