I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
