I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
