I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
