Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
