Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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