So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
