i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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