i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
