dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
