Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
