I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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