We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
