He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
