Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
