But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
