there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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