why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I intend to get homeless drunk
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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