Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
