bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
