Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
