I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
