THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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