I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize