And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
