I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
