You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize