i think my tv is drunk
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
