I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
