$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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