Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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