Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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