my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
