Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
