Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The adults are the big ones right?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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