What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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