O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
