i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
