My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
