This is not my ceiling
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
