I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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