At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize