This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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