one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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