Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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