woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
