I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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