I hope mine doesn't look like that
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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