Jerry, you need to find god
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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