Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I didn't notice because vodka
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
