What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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