Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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