I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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