apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
