Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
