I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
