I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just threw up on my dentist
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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