we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
