I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
