who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize