I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
