my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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