i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
