Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
