so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize