Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
