return my video game
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
