I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
